Episode 009: “The Big Five” Areas of Conflict
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If you listened to previous episodes, you’ll recall that we “theme” our discussions by calendar month. And for the month of June, we’re talking about Relationships – specifically, marriages or romantic relationships that might be headed there. But a lot of what we talk about this month is applicable to other family and friend relationships as well. (Catch up with Episode 007 and Episode 008, if you haven’t already).
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Here’s what we discuss in Episode 009 – “The Big Five” Areas of Conflict:
In Haley’s practice, couples often come to her saying they are having trouble communicating with each other — but specifically, it’s communication within one or a few of these top five areas.
If there is not conflict in one or more of these areas, it could be because we just don’t talk about them.
Disclaimer before we talk about the #1 area of conflict of Sex: This discussion centers on healthy, consensual sex. If your current situation does not feel healthy for you (or if there is trauma or abuse in your past), please seek professional help.
The Big Five are:
- Sex — questions like ‘how often’ should be discussed openly about what feels comfortable based on your current season of life, instead of making assumptions and creating false narratives in our heads. (Re-listen to Episode 008 if you want to revisit how to communicate expectations)
- Listen around minute-14 for Haley’s suggestion to try 365 days of “something sexy.”
- Finances — ‘should we have joint or separate accounts?’ … is one person a spender and the other a saver … are both parties spending too much … is there a lack of joy or adventure because neither partner is much of a spender?
- Listen around minute-16 for Haley’s suggestion to look at the details in black and white: How much debt is there? What are the actual expenses and spending patterns?
- Children — Talk about discipline, how you want to parent; try to never undermine each other in front of the kids. Talk about how many kids to have, when to have them, personal position statements on things like spanking or education/schooling. (B of the D!)
- In-Laws — When there is disagreement with the other partner’s family, “biology deals with biology.” The exception is if there is a direct conflict between two people. Use the blood relative as the “expert” on that person and how to best approach the situation, and then the two people involved have the conversation directly.
- Religion — Who we worship, how we worship, do we go to church, how often, where, how will we handle holidays, to what degree do we raise kids with our faith — get on the same page by having the conversation, and use the tools from Episode 008 to communicate expectations.
So, this week, sit down with your partner and go over a few of these areas that feel either particularly “sticky” at this moment in your relationship, or that have gone unexamined altogether. Let us know what you think about this process over in the Nourish Joy Podcast Community on Facebook. Or send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org. We SERIOUSLY love to hear from you!
Meghan’s Highlight: There’s always one person in my Challenge Groups that feels like the program was just meant for them; it’s the perfect season of their life to make lifestyle changes that turn everything around for them. One Challenger posted a piece of what I wrote in their Motivation Journal and said how powerful it was to her. Just goes to show how you can affect people with words and actions that you may never know about.
Haley’s Lowlight: Even though the treats she ate at the beach this week were “Planned & Special” (see Episode 003 for that reference), she thinks she overdid it on the treats and under-did it on the hydration! Gonna go home and drink some broth.
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Have a Nourishing and Joyful weekend!